Isn’t that the single most tiring question ever? I honestly think by now men should have realized there are certain basic qualities all women are looking for in a man – whether short term or long. No one wants a douchebag. Wealth is good, but drive and passion are even better. Intelligence is a given. I’m really not sure what exactly a dude expects you to say in answering the question that he hasn’t already heard a million times. Sure, there may be some more specific attributes I am looking for in particular that other women might find trivial, but really, the basics are (in no particular order):

Indpendence
Looks
Communication
Sense of Humor
Intelligence
Passion
Ambition
Confidence
Honesty/Transparency

Anything beyond that? Don’t ask me. Really. Don’t.

Firstly because, well, I really don’t know what I want. Yes, I’ve accepted the fact that I really don’t. Honestly, just think about it: I could spend the whole day listing what I think I want in a man aside the obvious, but how can I really know if I haven’t tried and tested every single characteristic? Like, how can I say I don’t want Ben and Jerry’s new Peanut Butter Fudge Core if I’ve never tried the thing? It might be the best thing I’ve ever tasted, and I may even be inclined to decline an offering of Cherry Garcia after that. I’ve dated/talked to/been in a relationship with all of 6/7 guys. I doubt this selection accurately mirrors all the attributes of the male population at large (especially since 90% of them were Ghanaian, and we know how monotonous that group can be! LOL). I really don’t think I’ll know what I want or I’m looking for until I meet it.

Secondly, even if you have a comprehensive 5-page list of what exactly you want in a man that you can recite at command, men can be (in the kindest terms) charmingly deceptive. Tell a guy what you are looking for in a man and he just might put up enough of a charade to convince you he’s all that and more. You don’t want to be with a guy who’s pretending to be your ‘Perfect Guy’ just so he can bag the perfect girl (short term, short-short term or long). Somewhere along the line, he will crack. And you will most likely cry.

Thirdly, you’re not going to find every single ‘Perfect Guy Trait’ you may have in every single guy. You might find a broke, intelligent guy with lots of passion. You might find a wealthy, confident, honest guy who’s on the less intelligent side. You might find a guy who gives you the world but just won’t commit. By going into a situation with a guy with the mindset that you have a list to stick by and he’s automatically disqualified if he doesn’t meet a few criteria, you’ll miss out on a lot of amazing relationships, and ward off a lot of amazing guys.

I think we all know what we IDEALLY want. For me it’s a Taye Diggs type character (Best Man, Brown Sugar, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Private Practice- take your pick). But we all know that as much as we’d love for the characters on our movie and TV screens to mirror the men in real life, only a good 5% of the male population actually do. And so I think the point of befriending any guy is to get to know him, see if there’s potential there/if he has characteristics that are desirable to you, and to see whether you can learn to live with/love his flaws (or that his good traits outweigh them), because THERE WILL BE FLAWS. If it doesn’t work out (because of some douchbaggery, maybe on your part, but most likely his) at least you’ll KNOW for a fact what it is you’re NOT looking for.

Ask me today what I’m NOT looking for in a man? I could probably write a couple volumes…