I think I’ve touched on my views of celibacy here and there, but I probably haven’t ever explicitly stated what they are.

What does celibacy look like? Well it differs from person to person. I’ve seen couples who don’t even hold hands before marriage. Yes, that may seem crazy to you and me, but the Bible says if your right arm causes you to sin, chop it off, because it’s useless to you. When deciding to be celibate, you have to analyze yourself, look at past experiences, and learn from the habits/wrong choices that caused you to get into sexual situations. If you wanted to bone your ex every time he/she held your hand, then yea- Maybe you shouldn’t hold hands lol. If being alone with a guy or girl always led to something, make sure you’re alone together as little as possible. If the moment you kissed, hands started reaching for nether regions, kissing may not be right for you. If, however, you’re both part alien and able to exhibit massive amounts of sexual restraint even while lying on the same bed, then that’s just fine too. Lol You just both have to know yourselves and each other and respect personal limits.

Why be celibate? Well, mainly because the Bible says to abstain from sexual immorality and promiscuity, and not to awake love before it’s time… But it’s more than that. God is a God of the spiritual AND the physical. He knows the consequences of premarital sex. STDs, unwanted pregnancies, broken hearts, abortions- God loves you deeply in spite of everything you do or don’t do, so much that He never wants any of His children to have to deal with these things. Then of course there’s the spiritual- because sex denotes a bond between two people that goes way beyond the physical. It’s almost an out-of-body experience in the spiritual that can open doors for all sorts of baggage. And THEN there’s the fact that giving yourself to someone before you’ve both given yourself wholly to God will draw you away from God. One man cannot serve two masters. It’s either you and your spouse as one submitting to God, or you trying to submit to both your relationship and God (and failing miserably). I know this, because I’ve tried it. Most likely, you will make the one who ‘satisfies you most’ your god and neglect the creator of the universe that loves you more than you could imagine.

So how do you become celibate? Beyond making the conscious decision? You begin a relationship with God. See, Paul said, “the good things I want to do, I can’t; but the bad things I don’t want to do are the ones I continuously find myself doing”. He was onto something. He understood that deciding to change wasn’t enough because of the constant pull of the flesh over our mind. But Paul goes on in Romans 8 to say: “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5‬ NIV)”. That’s what relationship is about. In a relationship with God you become so focused on His heart for you and His will for your life such that suddenly the desires of the flesh have no hold over you- you’re no longer a slave to sin.

I used to looooove it when cute guys hit me up to hit on me. It made me feel good that someone of that intellectual caliber and demeanor was attracted to me. Or even any guy at all really lol. It was such an ego boost. But now? A guy texts me to hit on me and I’m like “Nooooooooooooo, go awaaaaaaay”, because I am so in tune with God and His purpose for me as an individual and in a relationship that anything close to the contrary has me wanting to throw my phone across the room. And this really all goes back to Ruth and Boaz and the choice about who you make yourself available to in that way.

But I digress.

Someone once asked me if celibacy was hard. And the short answer is no. The longer answer is ‘only if you want it to be’. If you ask Him, God will not only school you in the art of curving men or women who aren’t in line with His will for you (lol) , but also teach you how to recognize people who may be, and ultimately bring you the one who is.