Welcome, Ladies, to the Build-A-Man Workshop – where you can create your Perfect Man simply with the click of a few buttons!
Let me tell you how it works:
First, our state-of-the-art Man Generator will ask you a series of questions to ascertain what it is you want your Man to look like. Green eyes? Long hair? Maybe you’re into man buns? Beards? Do you want him six-foot-four, athletic build, and with a dashing smile? We’ve got you covered!
Next, tell us what attributes you want in a man – you name it, we can make it. Faithfulness and Kindness are our top picks, but we also offer Generosity, Sense of Humor, Passion, Confidence (with a dash of Cockiness), Dependability, among many, many others.
Of course, what would your Perfect Man be without his accessories? A six-figure job, a 2016 Porsche, a royal lineage, and good taste in clothing are just a few of the ‘Accessorize’ options on our menu.
AND for a limited time, we want to offer our new customers an added bonus: If you begin building your Perfect Man today, we’ll throw in some of our most popular pre-programmed phrases:
“What do you want Babe?”
“Let’s go shopping.”
“Here, let me give you a foot rub.”
“I made dinner!”
and my personal favorite:
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Don’t worry. If you’re not sure what you want, one of our highly-trained consultants will work with you to build your Perfect Man, using a series of Cosmo magazine relationship tests to ascertain what your ‘One’ looks like.
Basically, we here at the Build-A-Man workshop make it our sole job to make sure you have everything you want in a man – because why should you have to settle for anything less?
The Build-A-Man Workshop – where dreams become reality!
Man! More like ‘where dreams NEVER become reality’!
Wouldn’t that be awesome though? If you could custom-create your own man who looked exactly how you wanted him to, and said all the right words and did all the right things at the right times without having to ask him to. A man who was ‘established’ and knew what his life was about. A man whose world revolved around you!
Like it or not, we ALL have a list of likes and dislikes when it comes to what we’re looking for in a man – or a woman (this post applies to you men too! Just change genders wherever necessary). It’s almost as if we have a Build-A-Man workshop embedded in our subconscious that is consistently cranking out physical requirements and social standards. He has to be this tall, or do this for a living. He has to drive that car and have this sort of education. I have to like his mom, and he has to be a fan of this kind of music. His hair has to be that Ikea black-brown color, and his beard has to be exactly 3.7 inches long.
And sometimes, as Christians, our expectations can be a little spiritually unrealistic too! We think our Perfect Man has to pray or worship a certain way. He has to like to serve in a certain ministry or appreciate a certain preaching style. He has to be a pastor or deacon, or at least a prayer warrior! Jesus himself couldn’t live up to some of the standards we expect from Christian men who, btw, are a faaaar cry from Jesus.
So with all these expectations in mind, we treat every man who approaches us as a potential candidate that must go through rigorous testing to measure up to these crazy unrealistic ideals we’ve built up in our heads. One thing on our list doesn’t match up, and it’s STRIKE! YOU’RE OUT!
I can confidently describe this because I do it ALL the time. As soon as a guy approaches me, I immediately take out my checklist and start figuring out all the many many ways he’s disqualified off the bat, and end up not even giving him a fighting chance.
It’s not a bad thing to have standards. Standards are necessary as a daughter/son of a King. I’d be more worried if I didn’t have any. But how flexible are they? Are they so rigid that no man who scores less than 10 out of 10 will make the cut? Are they so demanding that no one can ever hope to meet them?
Think about your Workshop Checklist for a second – yes, you have one. In fact, let’s pause for a moment, grab a pen and paper and write them all down…
Don’t worry, I’ll wait!
Got them? Ok.
Now think about yourself. What about you? For all those attributes you’d list in your Workshop, do you measure up? Are you kind? Are you ‘successful’? Do you show compassion and love unconditionally? Are you faithful and honest and self-sacrificing? Do you have everything the kind of man you’re looking for would be looking for in a woman?
If the answer to any of these questions is no, we have work to do. If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you have some reflecting to do, and a few questions to ask yourself.
Question one is, looking at reality and my own situation, which of these attributes is unrealistic/unfair? As a 25 year old woman, do I expect that many men around my age group to be making Porsche money? What are the chances Taye Diggs has a taller, younger brother? How many men have can actually check off EVERYTHING on my list? Think about it.
Second question is, which of these attributes is superficial? Do I really need a man bun? Is the color of his eyes or the way he dresses a total deal breaker? Do I want to be with someone who actually listed ‘huge chest’ or ‘long hair’ as an attribute he was looking for in a woman? Or would I call him vain? How vain am IIIII for thinking that way?
Thirdly, once you get the unrealistics and superficials out of the way, ask yourself this: what are the hard sells for me, and what are negotiables? What could I possibly live without, or trust God to provide along the way? What attributes could the man I end up with grow into as we learn to love each other? Which ones would he have to have off the bat? For instance, ACTIVE faith is a non-negotiable straight off the bat for me- faith alone won’t cut it, because even the demons believe. Divide your list into those two sections, and you will find you’ll be able to fit more good, imperfectly perfect men into your model.
The last thing you have to do is take a careful look at your non-negotiables, and ask yourself, what would a man who has these attributes be looking for in a woman, and would they find it in me? I promise you, a kind man would not want to be with a selfish woman. An intelligent man does not want to be with a woman whose range of conversation topics spans from the last LHHNY episode to what Rihanna wore on the latest red carpet. You really have to be the kind of person you’re looking for. And I’m realizing that’s kind of sort of part of the point of singleness. It’s an opportunity for allowing God to make you into the person He created you to be – the person who will fit perfectly with the one He created for you. It’s a time to become the best version of yourself.
I think this exercise really helped me reflect on what it was I thought I’d be looking for in a man (if I were looking – but that’s a post for another day). I think it has opened me up more to giving men a fighting chance (or at least the idea of it lol). I get now that I may not meet someone as ‘on fire’ for God as I think anyone I’m with should be, because people burn for God in different ways. I am beginning to recognize which of my standards and requirements are unrealistic, which are negotiable, and which are set in stone, and to adjust my expectations accordingly.
I hope it helps you too!
If there was a Build-A-Man Workshop, it would be owned and operated by God. He would be your primary consultant, and take your orders. Then He would sit down with you, and make some suggestions – probably tell you that what you were looking for was a little out of your price range, and that you might want to think about saving up and coming back later, because making big-ticket purchases on credit is never a good idea.
If you were ready for a purchase, He would outline the stipulations of the contract – because in His Workshop, everything would be on lease – it would be Him entrusting His creation into your hands for a season. He’d tell you how to work it and how to take care of it. He’d show you how it functioned – what to do to make it respond the way you wanted it to. Given what an honest sales person He is, He’d even give you the long list of WARNINGS!, its limitations, and all possible malfunctions you’re likely to encounter over the course of your ownership. He’d tell you about possible bugs and viruses, and remind you to be sure to schedule regular appointments with Him for repairs and maintenance.
Finally He’d tell you about how batteries and some accessories were not included, and that some things yu might have to build/acquire on your own. He’d remind you of the ‘no early return’ policy, so you had to be 100% certain you wanted it (or at least like 95, because everyone has doubts with these kind of purchases). And once you agreed and signed the contract, that Perfectly Imperfect Man would be all yours.
God’s Workshop – where dreams MEET reality.