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fear

in Faith

Chronicles of Canaan

These last three weeks have been brutal to say the least. Let me explain: I am someone who cherishes her sanity. And my sanity is tied to my ability to have down and alone time. I am an extroverted introvert. My life and job are very outward facing, and to pour so much out to people, I require time alone to meditate and just exist in solitude. I need to be able to do things that calm me – cook, bake, do laundry, walk around my apartment looking toe up. I need to be able to dress up, go out and slay, then come home, put on pimple cream and curl up and just lie in bed awake doing nothing because I have no energy left. I need to be able to turn off and not have to feel like I’m offending anyone. These things keep me calm and level-headed. That…

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in Faith

Beautifully In Over My Head

One of the reasons I try my very best to stay away from large, expansive bodies of water is my completely rational fear of drowning. I have no shame in admitting this lol. There is something unstable and unpredictable about water as a force of nature – and a force that is uncontrollable is generally one that I want no part of. At the same time, having lived long enough, I know that the fear of drowning is not restricted to situations that involve bodies of water. Life itself can prove to be an even greater expanse with its own threats of going under. It is not at all uncommon to find ourselves overwhelmed and gasping for air as life’s many waves crash over us: bills, family crises, bad relationships, bad choices, job demands and hurting hearts, just to name a few. So how do you survive drowning? How do…

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in Devotions, Faith

Refocus

I realized last week that I have such a problem with asserting myself and speaking up. It’s not quite full-blown glossophobia though. Put me in front of a crowd or hand me a pen and paper and I’m great – i’ll spill my guts. Give me authority, and I’ll run with it. Ask for my opinion and i’ll give it – because I always have one. But when I have to take authority? When I’m in a board room or at a table of people I don’t know, and I have to speak up? I feel totally overwhelmed. Maybe these feelings stem from my Ghanaian upbringing, where we were told our opinions did not matter unless we were asked for them (and we never were). Maybe my inability to speak up comes from the torture of my siblings, who at 6-7 years older than me would wait patiently for me to finish…

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in Dear Diary, Nuggets, Uncategorized

Here’s to 7 out of 77…

What Lie Are You Believing? What false report? What words of negativity were spoken over your life that have taken root in your heart and sprouted seeds of doubt and fear without you even knowing it? Seeds that started off as tiny shoots but have grown to be a field of weeds in which nothing good can grow? In which the promises of God just can’t take root? We all have them, but to be honest, I didn’t think I had any till yesterday when God showed me just how much a single statement had made me a slave to a spirit of worthlessness – a slave to the same lie the enemy has used since Adam: ‘you are not enough’. It was a statement that was said supposedly to help me, but more likely to strike me. It cut so deep that over a year later I am still experiencing…

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in Devotions

The Missing Peace

How easy is it to lose your peace in this world???? There was a point in my life that I could actually never find mine – my family, friends (and exes) will testify to this lol. Moving back to the States on my own and living as a college student solely reliant on financial  aid and three part-time jobs to provide for myself, I was in a constant state of worry. Would I have enough to eat? Would I have enough to go home over break? Would I have enough to survive the winter??? Sometimes there was enough, but other times there was barely enough to go around. I spent a lot of time counting my pennies and running in circles about money. Then there was school. I think nine times out of ten that I took an exam, I called my father crying in fear that I had failed. I…

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in Devotions

But Even If He Doesn’t

Growing up, the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego was my absolute favorite. There was something spectacular about knowing there was a God who could deliver me from fire… aaaand Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were the coolest Bible names ever lol. I’ve been meditating on the story and I’ve known there was a message in there I wanted to share, but it was one I was in a battle with myself, so I shoved to the back of my mind. Yesterday, I was reminded of it, and I just have to share. Some background for those who don’t know the story: Around 605BC, Babylon under the reign of King Nebuchadnezzar, laid siege to Jerusalem, destroyed it, and took many Israelites captive- among them the youth of royalty, including Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (these were their names before they were taken captive). The Bible says: The king told Ashpenaz, head…

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in Devotions, Faith

The Message in the Storm Pt. 5: Fear and Faith in the Storm

Today’s passage has me laughing every time I read it: That day, at evening, Jesus said to his followers, “Come with me across the lake.” So they left the crowd behind and went with Jesus in the boat he was already in. There were also other boats that went with them. A very bad wind came up on the lake. The waves were coming over the sides and into the boat, and it was almost full of water. Jesus was inside the boat, sleeping with his head on a pillow. (Mark 4:35-38) I can’t even begin to imagine how pissed I’d be if I’d followed Jesus onto that boat, leaving the safe shore and crowds behind, and rowing straight into a storm while he slept comfortably on a pillow down below.  But then again, maybe not. Because isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as Christians? Leave the status quo and comfort of…

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