You have to be friends with a dude/chick before you even think about relationships.
This is the best advice my uncle ever gave me – he’s so quirky but gives the absolute best relationship advice: Be friends with a guy. Don’t be in a rush to get him to lock you down. Talk about random things. Fight. Tell him what he does that annoys you. Annoy him and see how he responds lol. Friendship allows you to assess how someone would act in high pressure situations without the risk.
We have become a generation of women that have followed Beyonce down this ‘if you like it put a ring on it’ path and pressuring men to jump into relationships ten seconds after we meet them, ‘or else’.
But where they do that at???? You realize Beyonce and Jay dated for like a Bazillion years before he proposed? And even in that time they broke up because she wanted to focus on her career. Be there and be following Beyonce! lol I’ve certainly stopped that life.
Like, do you realize that you have to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THIS PERSON?
The rest of your life could be 70 years. I can’t even stand to be in a room filled with people I don’t know for more than 10 minutes. Anna had a housewarming party and I had to retreat upstairs after every ten minutes of foreign interaction just so I could have me time and breathe. Imagine having to LIVE with someone you’re not friends with for 70 years!
No. No. No.
You will already never know someone 100%. Why jump into a relationship/marriage at 5% when you could spend 3-5 years getting to like a good 65% without the stress of a commitment or pretense???? (there are some things you’ll just never discover until after marriage).
Being just friends also helps you to be authentic and figure out if someone likes you for you or for who you present yourself to be because you’re interested in them. I am how I am in all my male friendships – a fool LOL. Like there are days we will facetime sans makeup in my beat up sweatshirt while I sew my wig and we talk about cramps. Zero chills. But that’s just me and that’s gonna be me 60 years from now, so if you don’t like what you see now, you won’t like it then LOL. You can’t find that level of authenticity in a rushed relationship.
so Let’s stop rushing into relationships. He’s cute. She’s hot. Y’all like the same things. Your babies will be TV-worthy. The co-slayage will be real. Trust me, I am all for those things. But still, be friends first. That passion you feel now will fade. You will have kids, and suddenly you have to focus on things other than each other. You will have to save for college instead of taking trips to exotic places around the world. There may come a day when she would rather knit than have sex. What will get you through those hard times/’unpassionate’ times is your relationship with God, and your friendship with each other. The reason you will stick around even though he snores like a hippo is your friendship, not the romance.
And with friendships, there’s less risk of heartache. If it doesn’t pop off, you still have a friend!
So don’t rush into a relationship! Enjoy being single and making friends of the opposite sex. Spend time prepping yourself for married life. Find a good skincare routine. Learn to wrap your hair in a satin scarf in a cute way. Men, moisturize your ashy feet because women don’t like that lol. Learning to make a couple unique desserts named after the things you love most about me wouldn’t hurt either (this last part is completely personal lol). When the time is right, God will do what He does and you will wake up like Adam did and suddenly recognize him/her for who he/she is.
And that’s my quarterly relationship advice bulletin!