Cue eye roll.
You know why I rarely blog about relationships, and waiting for God’s best for you, and how to be in a godly relationship and all that wonderful stuff Christian women eat up like crazy????
Well, other than the fact that I have the patience of a two-year old, I’m single, and I’m totally unqualified to tell people how to practically live out a God-first relationship? lol
Because the devil has spent so much time deceiving women into believing that their value to the Kingdom of God is dependent on them getting married/having a husband. It’s almost as if there’s this pervasive belief in the Church that a woman is not of value to the Church or legitimate in ministry until she has a man by her side- or that God’s only plan for women is to marry them off to provide support to godly men.
I’m sorry, but all this constant talk about purity, and waiting on God for the man of your dreams, and the focus on marriage as some sort of heavenly goal is absolutely ridiculous. I see women’s group after women’s group so entrenched in helping their members navigate singleness and wait on God’s Mr. Right and promote purity- and this is all great and dandy, but I promise God did not create women with the sole objective of keeping their virginity/purity till marriage.
I am 199% certain of this.
By focusing squarely on your role as helper to man and bearer of fruit, you are completely missing the other half a million things God created you to do on this earth. That role is awesome and blessed, but God has a purpose for you, right now when your single, and that purpose is not spending all your time praying to him for a husband.
I get it. Men are awesome. Everything within our anatomy is attracted to them. Every month our bodies yell aggressively for us to put babies in them. It is hard to not think about men and kids- and I’m not saying don’t do that. I think about men- particularly male TV characters who I will never meet like Dwayne Wayne, and any Michael Ealy character, and a black James Bond who doesn’t really have a face. I think about marriage- about how much I will annoy my future husband with my laissez-faire nonchalance (this might be tautology, but let’s keep it for emphasis). I think about how many kids I’ll have- or if I even want any (this is a fairly new development in my line of thinking). I think I’d be more worried if I didn’t ponder these things.
But for your whole Christian walk to be geared towards maintaining chastity and finding a ‘God man’ to raise kids with?
I see sooooooo many women of faith pulled into this ‘relationship faction’ of faith, reading every single book on purity and finding God’s Mr. Right for you. I have seen women break into tears over having to wait for him, and others blatantly misinterpret circumstances as God’s will simply because they’re so consumed with that calling over their life that they miss all others.
I have read the books and heard the sermons. They mostly all tell you the truth about Godly relationships and marriage and seeking Mr. Right. But I promise you those messages are no different than the ones you will receive when you are in communion with God. All constantly meditating on them does is keep you in this myopic mindset, having you miss out on all the other amazing plans God has for your life.
Marriage is not YOUR ministry. Marriage is A ministry- and usually an extension of the ministry God already has over your life as a single woman. You will never live out your full potential in Christ unless you tap into that ministry before you venture into that union.
I haven’t been in a committed relationship for three years, or been on a date in one, and I promise you I’m alive and kicking. At this point, my friends have stopped even trying to suggest people or push me, because they know their labor is in vain and I’m perfectly content in waiting for what I want (I’m hoping this is the same as what God wants for me lol). Do I have ideas of what I’d want my relationship to look like? Of course (a lot of slaying and eating and fellowship, with a bunch of couch potatoing involving cupcakes, cadbury chocolate, and the Mindy Project). Are there guys I have been interested in? Yes. Are there guys who have been interested in me? Yes. Are there days I think I know who God has for me and then find out how completely wrong I am? Errr, yah. But it is always as simple as shrugging and moving on because I have so much more to do than be a wife and mother. These bumps in the road do not have me heading back to Heather Lindsey or Sarah Jakes’ latest book to restrategize my relationship goals because I really honestly have none. I have God goals. And my God goals collectively are bigger than any single one of them.
The only reason I would actually want to be in a relationship at the moment is to have someone whose ears I could bore off- but most importantly who I could dress up with and show off. I think me being single at the moment is really just God’s way of curbing my vanity LOL
You do not need a relationship to fulfill you or to fulfill God’s plan for you. God can and will honor your desire for one (in HIS time), but a relationship is not the means to a godly end. If you’re seeking out a godly relationship as a means of staying chaste, you’ve got it all wrong. If you somehow think your Christian walk will reach its pinnacle once you find a man who is willing to honor and marry you, you are in for a rude awakening.
I’m not saying it’s easy to constantly keep your eyes focused on God, especially when it comes to a heart’s desire. What I am saying is that you have to constantly and actively remind yourself that God is the one who gives hearts desires, and focus your attention on what He has assigned for you in the meantime.
Singlesness is a blessing. You may never ever have this space in your life to function without the responsibility of a family, or to do the things God has for you in this season. Don’t squander that. Stay attentive to what God is doing now, in you and through you. He will work everything else out in His time-
and thank God His timing is always perfect.