A lot of women (myself/ past self included) have sex before they’re actually ready and outside of the context of marriage because we have fallen prey to the cultural norm that relationships=sex. Like, if you have a man, you have to have sex to please/keep him or maintain the relationship. Like there can be no relationship without sex. Somehow sex has become synonymous with commitment.

It’s such a lie.

A lot of men get into relationships not because they actually want one or are ready for it but because relationships give them a pseudo-legitimate avenue to regular sex. Think about it: you can either hustle around every weekend hoping it will ‘tomu’ with some chick you meet and score for the night, or you can tell some girl ‘I love you’ and have a steady supply any time you feel like it – and THEN some on the side. Sex is not a sign of commitment. No one is going to stay with you just because he/she had sex with you. He/she is not required to be faithful because you have engaged in intercourse.

Now, this isn’t ALL men, and it isn’t ALL women either. But let’s face the fact that our culture has become so consumed with and confused by sex that we are actually partaking outside of our actual desires or manipulating something as sacred as a committed relationship to fulfill our selfish ones.

If you’re in a relationship with a guy or girl and you don’t want to have sex, don’t do it. Any relationship you get into shouldn’t come with preconceived notions about what the status quo or prerequisites should be. YOU determine what your relationships look like, not popular culture. You’re not going to be able to hold society responsible for the consequences of your actions, so make the choice for yourself.

Also, fear that you won’t find a man or woman who will want to be with you without sex is a horrible reason to have sex. You will really find it hard to love yourself if you compromise your standards just to be in a relationship. I know many intelligent and good-looking celibate guys, and I know guys who are willing to wait because they understand that Love is patient. Don’t rush into something before the right time because you don’t have the patience to wait for God’s timing.

In the right moment, and at the right time, God will bring the right person your way. You won’t have to prove anything to him, least of all through sex.

Just be patient.