Directly or indirectly, definitely lol. My best friend even coined a term for my former taste in men: ‘Shepeeeh‘, and we both agree that it wasn’t the greatest taste to have.
Don’t ask, really lol.
But I think more than receive it, of late I’ve found myself sort of giving some variation of it to myself.
As you grow older and everyone around you starts getting married off, you kinda get a sort of wake up call when it comes to previously set standards. It’s like, for instance, when the Hot Girl you knew in high school or college ends up with the equivalent of the Cute Chess Club President instead of the Hot Jock Who Comes From Money that you thought they would. And this is not me saying that the Jock is better than Chess Club dude, or that they lowered their standards at all – quite the contrary since I’ve always been turned off by Jock-ish guys. It’s just like, you never thought back then that Little Miss Popular and Math Whiz would end up together, and so suddenly you start to reevaluate everything that you once thought was the proper ‘mating order’.
And it makes me wonder: am I kidding myself with all the preconceived notions I have about what I’m looking for in a guy? It seems everyone’s Mr. Charming wasn’t who we – and a lot of times, they – thought he would be. Maybe Mr. Charming doesn’t own a private jet or own a company that’s listed on the NYSE. Maybe he’s just a regular guy with a 9-to-5, working on his dreams like the rest of us. Maybe we’ve spent so much time fantasizing about Mr. Right and all the things we want him to be that we have created an unattainable Utopian man. Maybe we have been force-fed so many Disney Prince characters that we cannot see that Gepetto, while a little older, is a really nice all round guy who might very well fit the most important parts of our bill. Maybe everything we’ve been looking for in Stefan and more can be found in Urkel – just that Urkel comes in different packaging.
I dunno. These are just things I wonder about lately lol.
I think you MUST HAVE STANDARDS, both hard and soft. Faith is a hard standard for me. So is vision. So is a sense of style. There are just things that might keep you attracted to the person you’re with – passion, kindness, generosity, height, stature, religion, lifestyle, leadership skills – and those things should be hard standards for you, but make sure they’re realistic. Then there’s the negotiables: career, how many kids you want, how he styles his hair, where he went to school. Those things should be secondary markers. So long as you’re both able to provide your needs and working hard towards an agreed upon end goal (though this might change over time), then who cares where he works? There are some things that are not that important in the grand scheme of things, and you will just have to be willing to negotiate on.
Overall, how do I deal with the ‘lower your standards speech’ from others and myself? I don’t take it personally, but neither do I just brush it off – especially when it comes from people who know me well or love me (like my best friend). I regularly reevaluate my standards with myself and with God. Is anything I’m asking for outside of His will? Is there anything I’m looking for that’s just generally outside of God’s heart? Am I looking for perfection? I know he will never be perfect – he will be flawed just like I am. He will probably not have as good of a taste in music as I do. Some things will find their way onto the list, others fall off, and some days the list stays just the same.
After that I don’t care what people say. My standards will remain a God-fearing man who has a passion for Christ, family, legacy and vision, and who doesn’t opt for clip-on bow ties – and to find that I probably have to be a little more open. But personally, I don’t think that’s asking for much lol. AND I believe God when He says He gives us the desires of our heart – even the ones we don’t know are there yet.
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