Category / Qs & As

Qs & As

Have you ever gotten the “lower your standards speech”? And how did you deal with it, if yes?

Directly or indirectly, definitely lol. My best friend even coined a term for my former taste in men: ‘Shepeeeh‘, and we both agree that it wasn’t the greatest taste to have.
Don’t ask, really lol.
But I think more than receive it, of late I’ve found myself sort of giving some variation of it to myself.
As you grow older and everyone around you starts getting married off, you kinda get a sort of wake up call when it comes to previously set standards.

Qs & As

How do I deal with my strong sexual urges as a christian teen trying to save myself for marriage?

Such a great question!
I think when you’re trying to keep yourself for marriage or be celibate and you’re dealing with strong sexual urges, the first thing you need to do is understand them. What brings those urges on? Is it a conversation you’re having with a certain someone? Or a show you watch? Or the kind of conversations you entertain? I’ve had guys tell me I’m the worst flirt, because there are just some conversations I just cannot entertain at this point lol.

Qs & As

This is coming from a very bitter young lady. I hate my dad so much . He fell sick sometime back and hasn’t been able to fully recover. And you know what? I don’t even care. I actually don’t care if he lives or dies. People who do not know me may judge me. But this is someone who all my life has pronounced negatively into my life.Half of the self esteem issues I have, arise from the house. I’m happy when I’m away from home. But when I get home it’s like there’s a dark cloud hovering over my head

Hello Love
Don’t think for a moment that your anger or hurt isn’t valid simply because the person it’s directed towards is your father. Of course it is! Even Jesus felt abandoned by his. Your feelings are valid.
But just because we have valid feelings, doesn’t mean we allow them to control us. You cannot let your anger or bitterness consume you to a point where your happiness is dependent on where you are located or who is around you at any given time. And you know what? The honest truth is that your father passing away isn’t going to take away that feeling of bitterness and anger.

Qs & As

Let’s say you’ve been told by some spiritual leaders and church going folks that you’ll be great in life but your relationship with God is strained and nothing is going right and doesn’t seem like it will. Will God still honor that “great destiny” that’s been proclaimed? And another question does everyone have greatness in their future ordained by God and does God only grant those greatness only if you do what He says?

Hey Love,
That’s awesome that others see a special calling on your life! It was a word like that from a pastor I’d never met before that actually started this whole journey for me!
God has greatness for everyone. But greatness is not always conventional-looking. Greatness could be leading a nation out of slavery, but it could also be as simple as answering God’s prompting to pray for someone like Ananias did for Saul. Greatness isn’t about the size of the act, it’s about the purpose of it – the necessity of it in a big picture that we cannot see yet. Not everyone will be a pastor or have a pulpit or a ministry, not everyone will lead thousands and thousands to Christ.

Qs & As

I’ve been in a relationship for a little over three years. I’m happy, but my porn addiction has lingered, and I feel it’s impeding my relationship – stopping it from becoming what it’s supposed to be. I’ve taken up writing erotica as an avenue to ween myself off of porn, before doing away with it entirely. My girlfriend knows none of this. How do I tell her? Do I tell her? What happens if she leaves? I’m trying to be a better man, and this is the only way to that greener grass that I can see..

Helloooooo Darling,
OK, this is def a new one for me! Haha. Thank you for being bold enough to ask that, even if anonymously.
The first piece of advice I can give anyone with any sort of addiction is to bring that area to God. Might seem like the simplest option, but truthfully it’s the hardest because it involves actually bringing something in you that is ‘dark’ into the open light, and we don’t live in a culture that exactly lauds that. We’re told to keep our deep darks in the dark. But look at it this way – God already knows, He just needs you to hand over that area and trust Him with it.

Qs & As

Eudora do u think ppl should tell their ‘baes’ abt their friends’ struggles? I had a friend who kept telling his girlfriends personal things I told him. lyk my family’s financial problems, my school problems, he even told her when I was sexually assaulted cos he said he couldn’t handle it. Isn’t that stupid n betrayal of trust? Oh and he’s had three different girlfriends since we became friends and he continuously tells them my s$*#. We’re no longer friends but I want to know if it’s a thing

Hey love,
Personally I have a problem with third party info sharing. There is a level of trust that should exist between people, especially close friends, and if your friend cannot handle the info that you want to share, then they should say so instead of sharing the burden with someone else. It’s not fair to have your personal info shared because they didn’t have the stomach to handle it.
But I understand it even if I don’t agree with it. I understand that some people can be fragile and do not hold the emotional weight of others very well, sometimes simply because they have their own to bear. I understand that people sometimes need the opinions of others to help form their own.

Qs & As

I was with a guy for 3 years and we recently broke up. He was my only friend and I got so used to having him around that I didn’t spend time forming friendships with other people. I’m still having trouble doing this. Before the relationship I could be alone without being lonely. But I can’t see to do that anymore. I feel like my life is now just surrounded by my work but that’s it. Just my work. No friends or a social life. Any advice?

Hey love!
I can totally understand what you’re going through. Sometimes a breakup can feel like you’ve lost the only person you could trust or who understood you. Even worse is when you break up with someone and realize that even though you were always surrounded by people, they were all HIS friends and not really yours :/
Loneliness sucks for a singular reason: we were not designed to be alone. We were created to live in communion with both God and our fellow man.
So my advice to you is this: spend time with God. I’ve found that most times feelings of loneliness point to an innate desire not to have companionship but to simply connect with our Creator.

Qs & As

Hey Eudora, I have a shameful problem and trying my best to stop but I can’t is there anyway you have any help for me based on God and ways I could stop. My problem is lying. 😔

Hello love!
I think the first thing you need to do is give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing that you have that problem at all! It takes a lot of guts to not only admit our flaws, but also want to refine them.
I believe most flaws – including lying – stem from a lie… And that lie is usually one of inadequacy. A feeling of not being enough and so needing to make up stories or fabricate things in order to meet some standard or fit in or feel worthy (please correct me if this isn’t the case for you!).

Qs & As

Hello Eudora. Please what is your opinion about churches that publicly announce and ostracize members who are’ unrepentant sinners’? Like those who get pregnant outside marriage or continuously fornicate?

I have to admit that I was quite surprised to be asked this question because the answer is pretty clear that an act like that directly contradicts the heart of God and you cannot claim to be a child of God if you give yourself the authority to decide who is worthy and unworthy of being in God’s presence.

Qs & As

What if there’s no one for me out there? I’m 25, a medical doctor and I still cannot boast of a relationship where I felt absolutely loved. One of my exes raped me, the recent one left because we have different views about God. I mean, will I ever catch a break?!

I’m so sorry you had to go through all that love, but you WILL! You will catch something much better than a break! There IS someone out there for you. 
Way I see it, you are blessed – medical doctor at 25??? I’m turning 26 and I can barely do my own laundry let alone save a life. You’re already winning at life. And your life is far from over! Focus on yourself, on what God is doing with you and in you as an individual. Even as you are waiting for a man, a man out there is waiting for you, but you have to be the woman he needs. You can’t want a prayer warrior if you can’t pray for more than 2 minutes, or a patient man if you fly off the bat about everything.

Qs & As

Do you ever feel like you’ll never find a man who is willing to wait until after marriage to have sex? Because I know I do. :(

That one is not my business oh lol
I’m not looking for a man so I don’t have to worry about finding one who suits my needs. I stay focused on whatever God is asking me to do and in community centered around Him. When the time is right, he’ll pop up. That is God’s job, not mine. I just gotta be visible. 
But I think the fear you have isn’t irrational. It’s a fear I’ve had before. I think it stems from, 1, the fact that men don’t openly talk about if they’re abstaining or not, and 2, we hang around/are interested in the wrong men.
I know DOZENS and DOZENS of men who are virgins/celibate.

Qs & As

Hello Eudora! I thought I sent this earlier but I guess I didn’t. I have had a pretty reckless sex life since I was raped at 21. I remember it happening to me as a child too. I’m 24 now and I’m terrified to have an HIV test done,please pray for me.

Hello Love,
I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. No one should ever have to endure the experience or the stigma or emotional trauma that comes with that. Every time I hear a story like this it reminds me just how oblivious a lot of us can be to these issues simply because we haven’t been victims of them, and reminds me just how real they are. Thank you for sharing that.
I also applaud you for recognizing the correlation between your abuse and your sex life thereafter. It takes a lot of courage and reflection to recognize those after-effects for what they are, and it is definitely the first step in healing and moving past them.
I grew up being so scared of HIV.

Qs & As

Can I say i’m so jealous of you and your life? In fact I’m jealous of anyone who has their life put together. Here I am with a sad life. Friends always rush to tell me good news, like I’m genuinely happy for them every time But when I’m alone all I do is cry. I used to be the smartest person in class receiving awards and now I can’t even get a job, not even Mickey d’s replied me. And all my parents do is nag, ‘we didn’t pay all this tuition for you to turn out like this’. I feel like God doesn’t exist :(

Darling,
Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. A lot of people who ‘seem’ to have their lives together are struggling with the best of us. No one’s life is all ‘put together’, not even mine. If you judge and measure your own success or happiness by others’ outward appearances, you’ll live believing a running lie. Don’t do it!
What you see here, what you see in my life in particular? It’s not perfection. It’s not having everything together. What I have is Stubborn Joy.
Stubborn Joy says, even though everything is not going the way I planned it, even though I am not where I want to be (which I think I mention quite a bit), I trust and understand that there is a purpose.

Qs & As

What are your thoughts on celibacy?

I think I’ve touched on my views of celibacy here and there, but I probably haven’t ever explicitly stated what they are.
What does celibacy look like? Well it differs from person to person. I’ve seen couples who don’t even hold hands before marriage. Yes, that may seem crazy to you and me, but the Bible says if your right arm causes you to sin, chop it off, because it’s useless to you. When deciding to be celibate, you have to analyze yourself, look at past experiences, and learn from the habits/wrong choices that caused you to get into sexual situations. If you wanted to bone your ex every time he/she held your hand, then yea- Maybe you shouldn’t hold hands lol.